While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
