i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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