I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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