I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
