If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You pole danced in your parka.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
