went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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