I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
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Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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