you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
