If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
