I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
