Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
