Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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