She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
