i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
