I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize