i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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