Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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