I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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