I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
