u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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