Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
