i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize