She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
