We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
