I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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