Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We are two peas in an std pod
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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