Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
