I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
