Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
