thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
