Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
a search helicopter?!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
