a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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