8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
