He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
