I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
