I'm going to jail i love you
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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