you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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