I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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