8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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