I can text with my tongue
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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