Pants 0. Shit 1.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
