You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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