neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
