I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
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What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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