why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
