just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
