Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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