i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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