There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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