party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
