i don't plan on having that self control this summer
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
