I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
