Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i think i just lost a toe
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
