I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
