what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
