u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
