I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
