I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
