Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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