He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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