After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
