He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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Bring vodka when you get back from court.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize