we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
