Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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