And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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